Stepping back and moving forward

This is a long over due post just to let you know. A few weeks ago I went home to Kona for a family reunion. Not the typical small family reunion with just the immediate families. This was one of the big ones; the Kaupu ohana reunion. I took a couple of days off from work for this worth while time. After I flew in I went to my grandmothers to pay my respects to the family there. I meet up with my cousin Sam; who is like a brother to me.


I pretty much grew up with Sam and his brother Jr. in Kauai and Big Island. Meeting up with him after over eight years brought back some old memories for me. How things pretty much went was that Jr. was the oldest and pretty much got pinned for most of the trouble. Sam was the middle and I was the youngest. I remember vague memories of cutting a hole in the screen at the apartment in Kauai with my new Swiss army knife and they got blamed for it. Which is how most things went since I was the youngest, the only-child, and we were staying with my parents. Poor kids. . . parents are the last to admit their kids are bad. Then I also remembered a time when we first moved into an apartment in Kona; Kona Coffee Villas, and we were playing fighting. Jr. did some type of kick and knocked out one of my baby teeth. Yeah, he got a lot of grief for that one.


Well, that night I kicked back with him and some of my other cousins that I grew up with remembering the good old times. That pretty much started the drinking that continued through out the whole trip. The next couple of days were interesting. I meet up with Jr. and the rest of their family. Their daughters are just the cutest and most social kids I've meet.

That made me feel OOOOLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! Pretty much all of my older cousins have kids and what not. Nothing like coming home and being surrounded by a bunch of ankle biters. Yeah. . .and then my cousins all subtly hinting that it's my turn next. FUCK THAT!!!! or at least for another couple of years. After the reunion, the family . . . turned interesting. All the cousins and I all went to Lulu's for drinks and what not. And sure enough, the cousin that we all thought would turn out gay years ago came out like Twister drinking Jager. I'm going to post some of the photos on my gallery later. Good times and hilarious memories.

[Moving Forward]

Well, I have a new job. Getting paid twice as much as I am now. The only bad part is that it's over in Maui. Hmm. . . I just have to figure out how the social thing is going to go about. The position is as a Unix/Linux Admin. Akwardly labled as a "Network Administrator". A good side is that I don't have worry about completely starting over. I'm going to be over there with Aaron. Keep the "Aaron's Bitch" jokes to a minimum please. I figure two or three years over there would a good career move and help with my goals to work and live over in Asia and Europe. So, last week I said my farewells and goodbyes to everyone.

Stagnant in time

"Time is the fire in which we all burn. . ." and slowly at that. I've been brick walled at work due to my age. I'm suspended between leaving to take my life to the brink and staying here where my friends and family are. I'm in need of a jump start, kick in the ass, or drastic change. Getting started has always been my problem. So, what's next? What is my inspiration or motivation? The anger that once fueled my actions has subsided to nothing more than mere discontent. I've surpassed those that would belittle and disregard me.
It seems like Amanda's really leaving for Cali. There goes my insight to the female world. And the person that warns me against stupid things or people. Bleh, where the meat grinder so I can go stick my hand in it. . .

In the midst . . .

You ever have those moments were you don't know what you REALLY want to do in life? Or at least in a career path sort of way but your already past the point of taking the first steps. I feel like I've been molding my self the past couple years to do what I love for a career. Now that I'm on my way to and past the biggest hill I'm not entirely sure if that's what I want to be or do.
My recent advancement of getting my clearance has opened up a lot of new doors and coincidently welding the doors I don't want shut. All I need to do is attain a few certifications and I have the possibility of traveling the world to work. A co-worker mentioned that Camp Roberts has an open position.
Camp Roberts is right in the area that I've been aiming to be physically for the past four years. Its in California and sits right between L.A. and San Francisco. I want experience L.A. for the Nightlife and Entertainment. And I also want to experience San Fran for its current and historical background in the IT industry. I was once told this, "If you want to prove that your good then you have to be able to last in California for a few years." A challenge and a goal that inspired my motivations to improve. I also have the possibility of traveling and living in other countries as well.
Many of co-workers talk about Germany and Europe in general. A region that not only induces innovative concepts and methods, but also implements them to an effective manner. The Region also homes the origin of my musical tastes of Electronica genres of House, Trance, D-n-B, and Industrial. They speak of Germany with such high note of the people and the culture; social, but not violent, drunks. A place were BMW and Mercedes is a common car like a Corolla in Hawaii. They also talk about the beauties that inhabit the area.
The same talk of beautiful women that leads in to talking about Italy. Italy, a wonder in its self as I imagine. The food and the entertainment are enough to tempt me to flock there. But the women, that just might be something to keep me there. I have been given so many possibilities to experience life just by keeping my nose clean. So many places that I can go live my life like people wish they could.
But alas, I hesitate. To take any of these roads would result in one thing. I am going to have to leave all that I know and love behind. I will have to leave my friends, family, and culture behind. To leave all of that behind would be to leave my self behind and start over again. I am who I am because of it all. How can someone give up all that they know to go off and . . . you know what I mean? Eh. . .May be I'll think about it over a few years. . .or wait for something really fucked up to happen.

Fwd: Phear

You ever been single for so long that you're  almost afraid to
approach a relationship? A sense of fear for no real reason. Or, is it
just me?

--
"Personal computer security is still an oxymoron."
                                                       --Daniel White (Computational physicist at CASC)

Silence in the city

It's 0630HST and I'm slouching in Amanda's couch. The silence of distant cars passing by on the freeway have upscaled to the morning dump trucks and the bus lines starting. A five by five window frames the darkened silhouette of the city and apartment lights. The sky never gets dark in the city. It holds the faint lighting from the streetlights to a deep blue backdrop. The lights of the city sparkle the sky as the stars do the heavens. High in the atmosphere, the clouds trudge along and are the only things that soften the view. Slowly fading in to the horizon, the moon casts it's light on to it's surroundings. A reminder that we have just lived a day and it's time to live another to it's fullest. It is a mark in history on the things we have done. the things we are doing, and the things we will do. A mellow sound of music fills the air. Lyrics of love, honesty, pride, and regret rewinds my mind to relive my past of each or lack of each.
Psychically wallowing euphoria, I begin to move. Slowly, the feet groove on their own accord. The slow rhythmic vibe traverses to waist. Balance and motion subconsciously move in harmony to the music. Feet stepping to an fro, knees and waist swaying deep into the rhythm, the spinal chord succumbs to the slow crawling tingle of euphoria. The mind begins to fall from euphoria to pure unadulterated ecstasy. The experience pushes for the last mile as the shoulders begin to slide and rock with the rest of the possessed body. Finally admitting defeat to the music, the arms are surrendered to the sinful thoughts kept locked away in the darkest corners of the mind. Mind separated and isolated from the body by the audio bliss and rhythm of the music. A single link to reality is kept; a thought. As your eyes begin to open you seek for the one.
The mind blurs the existence of the greedy, the shallow, the self-centered, the socially infected, the has-beens, the want-to-be's, the fake, and the morally defected. Scurrying about you halt before the one; a soul worth sharing with. In pristine and crystal clear view they sit. Taking a knee before them, you stretch out your hand against all fears and inhibitions. Three words emerge, "...dance with me."

+----------------------------------+
+ From the soul of a lycanthrope +
+----------------------------------+

In the game again...

House of cards tactic in implementation. Three on bait and one tasting the chum. Social engineering method in action

Another four day weekend. . . .

Sort of. . . Spent most of my day offs up at Coffeetalk trying to catch with everyone on WoW. I have two toons right now. One on Darkspear that's a Level 14 Tauren Druid and the other is on Crushridge that's a Level 15 Night Elf Druid.
Past couple of days have been pretty fun. Been spending a lot of time in a Barrow Den area thingy. I still have trouble with the communication thingy when playing with other people. I've just been more or less running around killing shit and helping keep the other players alive. It's quite gratifying when your toon is strong enough to knock out something on the same level with it getting much damage on you.
Friday night was interesting as well. Chilled with a couple of girlies around town. Didn't really do anything in particular; just chill, drink, and talk. Damn, that sound like old people activities. o.O?! It was still a good night. It made my expectations of the night. And I think I found a new wing man too. He seems to know how to make it roll and keep it going.
Next weekend should be interesting though. I've been building my house of cards and the squadron seems to building in number. I just got to get'em to fly in a tighter formation if you get my drift. ;-) Some how I knew that once I stopped trying for something it starts to get handed to me.

2/ 2
n alright. Personal note, dont drink soda after a long night of beer drinkin; the burbs induce a gagging sense. Went to Zippy's after to s

1/ 2
Tuesday night:

0340HST - Fuckin' drunk . . .The night was awesome with an abundance of lovely ladies. Been drinkin New Castles all nigh

I've joined the mindless herd. . .

Taurn that is. Yes, I've finally got WoW on my box. It all goes down hill from here. Eh. . . At least it's a cheaper form of recreation that going out every night to get drunk and stupid.

Server:Darkspear
Toon: GNU

The Grind

I really don't know what I have to be discontent about. I have a good job, roof over my head, good running vehicle, loving family, and the best friends anybody could ask for. I have this constant need to review my life in analyze what NEEDS to be done. I've only come to one thing that needs to be remedied; my inability to properly budget and spend.
With the type of money I'm making right now I should be more well off than I am now. I've attributed the majority of it to drunken fun and recklessness. How else could some go out and blow away $300 dollars on just alchohal in one night? Drink to the night for it may be our last together.
The life style of a College student with mommy and daddy paying the bills is over. Time for reality at it's best. Rent, Car loan payment, Car insurance, credit card bills and etc are the trials of adulthood I says. That being said, I've finally starting to how to fully appreciate and use what I have. No more weekends of complete carelessness and spending like it's going out of style.
It's times like these that I hear my mom's voice in the back of my head. "Buy what you can at Sam's club, but check the other stores for cheaper prices." "You don't have to buy everything when you go out with your friends." "Get a life, get a grip, and get a job!" Brain washing put to good use for once. My dad's voice also whispers in my ear saying, "Don't always sacrifice quality for quantity. . . Shop around to see who has the cheapest case of beer."
In the mean time I'm reminding my self that I've been in worse scenarios before. I just have to remember what it's like to eat like I'm on a college budget . . .to save money for cloves and beer of course. I'm lucky to have friends to support me in times like these; like Amanda dropping some cash for Kalakaua fried rice and a pack of cloves in exchange for giving her a ride to work. Or, Aaron filling my gas tank to pick him up from Waikiki at 0300 because he couldn't find his keys. Also the free wireless I get from their places when I'm flopping at their place; which is pretty often.
Speaking of which, my dad was in town a few weeks ago. Some time during dinner at Zippy's he brought up how and what I've been doing. I explained to him my whole situation; including the bit about how spend more time at a friends place or my car than my own place sleeping and what not. His response, "That's kind of Gypsy don't ya think?" My response what that it works. Honestly, I think it's been almost a month since I've spent more than six hours at my own place doing what ever; including sleeping. I guess it because I have a hard sleeping when nobody's around.
I find that I have a need to be around people. I might not be social, but I'll still be out and about around people. It's weird in a way. . . Sometimes I'd just pick a random group of people that aren't really doing anything and go hang out with them just be around people.