In the midst . . .

You ever have those moments were you don't know what you REALLY want to do in life? Or at least in a career path sort of way but your already past the point of taking the first steps. I feel like I've been molding my self the past couple years to do what I love for a career. Now that I'm on my way to and past the biggest hill I'm not entirely sure if that's what I want to be or do.
My recent advancement of getting my clearance has opened up a lot of new doors and coincidently welding the doors I don't want shut. All I need to do is attain a few certifications and I have the possibility of traveling the world to work. A co-worker mentioned that Camp Roberts has an open position.
Camp Roberts is right in the area that I've been aiming to be physically for the past four years. Its in California and sits right between L.A. and San Francisco. I want experience L.A. for the Nightlife and Entertainment. And I also want to experience San Fran for its current and historical background in the IT industry. I was once told this, "If you want to prove that your good then you have to be able to last in California for a few years." A challenge and a goal that inspired my motivations to improve. I also have the possibility of traveling and living in other countries as well.
Many of co-workers talk about Germany and Europe in general. A region that not only induces innovative concepts and methods, but also implements them to an effective manner. The Region also homes the origin of my musical tastes of Electronica genres of House, Trance, D-n-B, and Industrial. They speak of Germany with such high note of the people and the culture; social, but not violent, drunks. A place were BMW and Mercedes is a common car like a Corolla in Hawaii. They also talk about the beauties that inhabit the area.
The same talk of beautiful women that leads in to talking about Italy. Italy, a wonder in its self as I imagine. The food and the entertainment are enough to tempt me to flock there. But the women, that just might be something to keep me there. I have been given so many possibilities to experience life just by keeping my nose clean. So many places that I can go live my life like people wish they could.
But alas, I hesitate. To take any of these roads would result in one thing. I am going to have to leave all that I know and love behind. I will have to leave my friends, family, and culture behind. To leave all of that behind would be to leave my self behind and start over again. I am who I am because of it all. How can someone give up all that they know to go off and . . . you know what I mean? Eh. . .May be I'll think about it over a few years. . .or wait for something really fucked up to happen.